Genesis I am Joseph, your Brother!
Parashat Vayigash Genesis 44:18-47:27
We read in Leviticus 19:17, “Do not hate your brother in your heart” and yet in each generation of the Torah families, a brother does exactly that to another brother. Cain slays Abel in great hate for Abel receiving God’s love, distraught because of his jealousy and resorting to deception and shame when he cries out, “Am I my brother’s keeper?” (Gen 4:9). Ishmael is sent away from his father and tribe, left to fare on his own with his mother Hagar. He only returns in order to bury his father along with his half-brother Isaac. How much resentment he must have felt at that moment. Perhaps in order to emphasize this antagonism between them, the text states, “After the death of Abraham, God blessed his son Isaac.” (Gen 25:11). Just a few verses later, trouble lies in store for Esau and Jacob as they struggle in the womb of Rebekah, the younger overcoming the older with subterfuge and deceit. 20 years later, as they come to meet, Esau approaches with 400 armed men. Their reunion is strained and brief. The hatred of their youth has not dissipated. Gifts are not accepted, yet deceit remains and they go their separate ways. Jacob has been renamed Israel but Esau has also been renamed, now called Edom. (Gen 36:1) In Jewish rabbinic tradition, Esau’s descendents become the arch enemy of the Jewish people for all time. From Amalek to Haman, Esau’s descendents keep hate alive.
So our reading in Parashat Va-yigash (Genesis 45 ff) is surprising for a Torah text: “I am your brother Joseph, he whom you sold into Egypt. Now do not be distressed or reproach yourselves because you sold me hither; it was to save life that God sent me ahead of you.” Here brothers who have exhibited jealousy and fratricide are being embraced for once. This is an extraordinary reconciliation and begs the question, ‘what is different in this generation to the previous ones? What can we learn from this shift in the Torah’s approach to sibling rivalry?’
Perhaps it should be said at this point, that sisters have rivalry too in the Torah text. We do not hear how sisters like Leah and Rachel fare together despite the potential for deep competition, particularly in child-bearing and love of one man.
Sibling rivalry competing for love of parents, accomplishments, career development and differing personalities are common sources of resentment, alienation and complexity in relationships over a life- time. Some may grow up in a shared household that fractures and is never repaired. Some may find that the nurturing cradle of the family was a limitation in their own personal development and seek to escape that tight circle as soon as possible. Some siblings feel betrayed later in life, recalling past hurts and wounds, and cut their siblings out of their lives particularly on the death of their common parents. All of these, known to us in our own families, are reflected in the generations of siblings in the Torah text. Yet this reunion of Joseph and his brothers is different and offers a Torah teaching of hope and comfort in the midst of a deeply divisive family.
Aviva Zornberg teaches that Joseph understood and conquered his fear of his brothers. In Midrash Tanhuma when the brothers realized their father had died, they were afraid of what Joseph would now do to them. But Joseph went to the pit where he had been thrown and made a blessing, ‘Blessed be God who made a miracle for me in this place.’ Joseph has overcome the trauma of his youth and replaced it with a faith that ‘Gam Zu l’tova’ – This is for the good. His foundational dreams of protecting the destiny of his family reassert their power of vision in him. This supersedes the hatred he may have felt for his brothers and enables him to reach out in peace and love to his undeserving siblings. The brothers go to such lengths as sending him a message indicating that their father had left instructions for Joseph to forgive the brothers for what they had done to him. Inside this desperate plea is their confession and their atonement. This is the change in the Torah’s account of sibling rivalry. It comes back from the brink of disaster by recalling the wounds that were perpetrated but being able to see them in a different perspective that invites openness, vulnerability and reconciliation. The message of the Torah is to bring peace between brothers in this final generation. Harmony flourishes when siblings deal with their past, count their blessings and share them with each other.
(Midrash Tanhuma Vayehi 17)
As if to emphasize the extraordinary nature of Joseph’s reconciliation with his brothers, the next generation, Joseph’s two sons, are in danger of another round of sibling rivalry as Jacob tries to incorrectly bless them. But Joseph sees the danger, uncrosses Jacob’s hands and today we bless our children on Friday night with the blessing of these two brothers, Ephraim and Manasseh.
To recognize the world in which a grudge against your siblings is natural, is also a world where we can choose a different path if we seriously examine and reflect on our past. Can this be a formula to understand our families and resolve the tensions within it? Can it also be the formula to counter violence between all for “are we not all brothers and sisters – has not one God made us all”? (Malachi 2:10)
Rabbi Dr Michael Shire is a Professor of Jewish Education at Hebrew College and also Rabbi at Central Reform Temple in Back Bay. He writes and lectures on Spiritual Jewish Education and is the founder of a pedagogic practice entitled Torah Godly Play. www.torahgodlyplay.com
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